Jean's 宇宙記錄

又是靈光一現，在等紅綠燈時，我想到克制與自然而然地不需要了…

拿不吃肉這件事來說，去年嘗試兩次，破功兩次—第一次是因為想吃肉了，第二次是生起病只吃滋補的羊肉。今年再試，是因為受到新朋友的啟發，吃素也可以吃得很健康。當然助緣很多，包括健康好轉。我猜想練習瑜珈也有關係—至今不能說吃素，因為鍋邊素和魚都還是沾了，但是在想法上，沒有想吃肉的主動。這讓我心喜：不需要克制慾望，想做卻不能做的痛苦無法建立習慣。從小到大，自然而然不需要了的事像尿布、奶嘴、上洗手間找好朋友一起…這些不需要都有助一個人的獨立性。只是有些事，還在克制ing....像恐懼，嫉妒這兩個我最常經驗的負面情緒。

恐懼的是無窮的未知；嫉妒的背後是羨慕並氣自己沒有勇氣。為咋的我這麼膽小，老怕東怕西？離自己想要的大開大闔還有段距離。其實我天生膽小，和外婆一樣，厚操煩；另一方面神經卻又大條的可以。嫉妒的另一面是以為沒有。經驗嫉妒情緒時其實都是很可笑的場景—也不知為何我總有需要當中心人物的想法，可是若有這個機會，卻又怯懦扭捏起來—是獅子和魚的作用力嗎？嫉妒攻心時，我雖意識到，可是一直以來都是被情緒左右著，很少能對它做出什麼動作。偏偏我又是個很有感染力的人，喜怒很容易影響團體的情緒﹗真切的希望自己能像做瑜珈時扭腰轉身時一點一點進步一樣，能漸漸面對像慢火悶燒的嫉妒。

以前會覺得三日不讀書，便覺面目可憎。現在資訊在網路上太多，利用Google訂閱太方便。Literally，我太面目可憎啦~ 就像之前被以為是藝術咖，今天辦事情時，又被以為是作家… 其實不是啦，不過的確喜歡文字。多數時候讀部落格，很少時候寫部落格—一來是自己習慣用筆寫字，自我欣賞；二來是自己的懶散和神經CC的低調。絕大多數今日頗有氣候的作者都是在閒暇時，寫下日常生活中的事，從滿足自己的寫字欲到後來累積讀者，產生影響力的。

在練習時，看到了自己對世界的"評斷"，以及部份的盲點。

眼睛已經不舒服很久了，我這兩天做了一個聯想：因為自己大近視，因為看不清楚，所以也懶得看清楚。在無法戴隱形眼鏡之後，配的"低腰"/沒鼻墊眼鏡常沾到我的長睫毛，讓我覺得不隨時擦拭眼鏡的自己看起來髒CC，所以非必要時，更不想直視人。

為什麼會有不平衡的感覺，因為想的是競爭，不是分享。

不必要讓別人的生活事件來影響自己對生活美好的嚮往。

共好，就能in the flow.... water說的，放下決定﹗開放讓可能性流入。

首先，意外的蔡小胖在晚上的傾談，讓我感到非常榮幸。之間，她説：「你是很挑朋友的人耶⋯」「嗯，我是啊！不過我的朋友們也都是這個樣子的，久久不連絡是大家的〝慣性〞，但是因為彼此都在自己的精神領域不斷地理解與感悟，不怕不開口，只要一交流，都能有所心得。」

後來，給強寫信，要他推薦幾個不錯的未來產業。雖然我浸淫在財務裡四年，不過一點看股的慧根也沒有。我寫『直接買股票不太適合我，我不太喜歡做短線，偏好價值型投資。除了我不喜歡看股票外，看股票的時間可以拿來做好多其他的事耶。』

然後，經過了這兩件事，我發現我這個人⋯有潔癖﹗即便我喜歡認識新朋友，不過友誼的長久與否，往往與短時間的相處，彼此之間的相應有那麼點關係。不管在交友或投資方面。我的朋友們就像是我挑出來的基金，個個都很有潛力，也都帶給我收益。我愛他們

we went hiking, but we don't know the routine. we asked and we were told that the entrance of the trail can be found near the cemetery.....

a-mi didn't wait till she was clear and said, got it.... and urged me to go, of course, I was clueless then....

i turned at a main road, and she popped out "are you sure it is the way to turn?"

期待已久﹗夢醒的那一刻是滿足的。雖然回籠覺後的這一刻已不太記得一切了⋯

我們見了面，在夢裡見面。正討論幾點鐘要去他的朋友那。我問了他時間，他抬起手，看著腕上的大銀錶(往常是沒有錶的）。

然後我看到了錶上的時間説，快三點了(確切的時間應該是二點五十分左右），不行，今天我有事，必須六點才能去⋯⋯

我在寫下了〝似乎智慧的美和無常的殘忍是銅板的兩面〞後，我問自己，無常殘忍嗎？

如果我説無常殘忍，那就是還沒有體會細胞舞動要教我的事，還是無明。Change is the only constant, 變動是唯一的不變。無常，是自然的法則。然而我們自小、自歷史並沒有學習順應無常，反而總在對抗無常，希望永恆。秦始皇不就希望長生不老嗎。

原來，無常並不殘忍，殘忍的，其實是我們的無明。要學習的，是順應無常，心靜如明鏡。

What a coincidence that today I sent my resume to a autocom., which I consider my best come back so that I write down some exciting and challenging part of the marketing position in autobiz. My rationale is that marketing is no longer marketing communications, it should be marketing educaitonal interactions too. In those days, as a novice driving on the road, no one ever told me in the beginning how to protect myself nor react to the crisis happening on road. But later on, I was lucky to have 2 great sales pro, who are willing to share with me the valuable insights, (also I am willing to listen and learn to protect myself). I truly find the importance of self-survival tips, no matter what we are up to.

Therefore, in my cover letter, I mentioned this teen club, to educate them.

Later, I saw a news report on this educational practice having already been adopted in the US since 2008. Gee, it proves that I am a marketing thinker. I am a marketer with strong idealist color (hope this is english-english. or it would be my chinese-english way of saying 濃～厚理想主義色彩的行銷人)

life is often compared to dreams.

not able to recognize whehter we are dreaming or in reality when dreaming...

if so... when we are "conscious", we have the choices to make a sweet dream or a ngihtmare.

Heard a talk from an American who lived in both taiwan and china for years. He said, americans learn teamwork since they were still kids. On the other hand, chinese people don't know how to work with others. Often times, it is family and relatives are trusted to work together with. (also we have many SMEs, coz it is "better to be the head of a chicken rather the tail of a cow")

As I was travelling on the road, seeing a sedan turned around as if no other cars, it occured to me that it is a society that we are too free to do anything so that selfishness is everywhere (為所欲為到凡事自私）I am not saying that selfishness cannot be found in other societies. I think it is a deep rooted mindset that cannot be changed by law, or whatever public agrees. It can be called flexibilty too, however, I resent this kind of "man-made" flexibility.

Flexibilty should be based on the rules. There is no rules without flaws, so there is always actions to be taken for a much flawless law. Then the game would be easier.... What I resent is there is no common rule, for a hard-headed person like me, would be a tough game to play!

I am quite cynical recently.

Partly because the stress of wanting something, and partly becuase, or say .. the main cause is that we have seen how dark jurisdical system is. so far, we are called the victim. Unless our case is justified with evidences and evidence, we are just one of those victims that whose cases were not resolved with fairness. Side note, as the judge said to us as we are confused with all the misleading procedures: however evidence is important, procedure is also important. Self remedy is your own option! FCUK, but expenses are from your own pocket too.

Another case, I might use the stinger's mind to evaluate another's minor mistake, which is just little amount of change.

Somehow it is already cliche: how your view the world will be shown in your daily interaction with others, in your talks, in your behaviors; the more I observe, the more I find it is true...

They are previous colleagues.Both are nice with me: one is always caring while there are more business wise/organizational sparklings with the other, whom I've found more and more distant. Mainly because once one becomes egoistic, the way the are with people can be easily sarcastic: not really harmful but less friendly.

"I, I, I", "My, My, My*" could be really a killer. I learned to take another way while there is a pit dug by others' "unconsciousness".  People are inclined to ask others to do their way so to please themselves? However, if they are really caring, they will understand you instead of asking you to please them, you just be yourself!

在往倉儲量販前進時，我想到和ruby的對話。她說我到的那天她離開，不是故意的。不過，這件事她也是在數週之後才說⋯

The Poem: Invictus

有意思的巧合。

The Master Numbers

My 2009 is like driving a manual auto: at the very beginning, I was learning to take control of the clutch along with the geer shift.... it took me a while to avoid flameout when parking, and gradually i moved on and tried to accelebrate, still on my way to mastery though...

Therefore, the objective of 2010 is of course to march on!

定期收看seth的文章實在是因為他對行銷活動的反思很多都可以再擴充到生活的層面。對我而言，某種程度上 marketing seth＝spiritual seth。

這份集結了十數位作家、企業家所言的檔案裡，近80頁的內容讓人覺得seth為分享而不遺餘力。説他是spiritual seth一點也不為過，他除了鼓吹每個人都可以利用網路科技發揮自己的影響力，並且透過他自己的部落格支持他認同的非營利組織（acumen fund; room to read)，我也很喜歡他的母親為藝術美術館服務的故事。

一個看似定律的不等式，從數學的角度這是錯的答案。可是一旦應用到其他方面：人際關係、產業綜效、創意表現…我的心裡常有這個不等式。分享快樂會讓快樂加倍，分享悲傷會讓悲情離去地快一點兒。

今天seth説，現在在點子世界的我們，要怎麼樣保護好點子？how to protect your ideas in a world where ideas spread?

小的時候，家庭觀念保守，又沒有適切的性教育，不過健康教育課的13,14章絕對不是大家的第一課吧。記得國中體育課時，一定是一票朋友揪團，正大光明在上課聊天的時候，一個好朋友總是能把這些事説得好好笑～我的笑聲從來沒小過。

在升學制度下，男女分班的制度，男女生彼此看得著摸不著，又我是深受禮制所〝害〞的學生，好好地準備課業才是王道。所以我以為，男女之間的愛情境界就在彼此很有話聊下…像和姐妹淘之間的聊…

「我想我大概是性冷感吧，希望對方性無能」能這樣就太好了，我們會是絕配，因為我們的愛不是建立在性上，只要彼此保持著有趣度，不讓話題中斷一定能長長久久。

世上最公平的事就是每個人被賦與的時間，不多不少，24小時，每年基本365天。

在小朋友成長的過程裡最能看到時間流逝的痕跡，一天一天地長大，從爬到走到跑跳，看他們探索這個世界、社會化最能感受到時間的變化。不過，青春期過後，外貌和身材大概有了個固定的模子，時間不再，人也不成長了嗎？難道就是一天天地變老走向死亡？我愈來愈覺得不是這樣的。成長的概念從外而內罷了。

雖然小時候好像也被以為早熟，但是現在卻覺得自己還在青春期…大概就是一顆純真的心吧。大學剛入學時，就問了學長一個〝哲學問題〞「你覺得念大學人會改變嗎？」或多或少是我得到的答案。改變有好有壞的方向，最近我對自己內在的成長下的註解是純真的改變。比較爛的例子是：即使是被騙也對社會存有高度的希望和安全感，不會因此而封閉自己。